Week 1: Things Do Not Change; We Change

This week, I began my change! I have begun my 30 days of exercise!

Allen and I had a fantastic conversation on our way to Sportsman's Warehouse. A different story, yes, but I have to say, I've never been to this place before! Only with Allen...and I love it! Anyways, our conversation was about the paths that life takes us and the temptation to compare ours with those of others. I had a lot to say, which surprised me, because I feel I've really thought a bit this week about who I am and what I want out of life.

One of the things that came to mind in this conversation were the words of President Eyring at this last week's General Conference. He spoke about praying for a huge trial in his life so that God could test his courage. He said that he probably shouldn't have done that...but goes on to talk about building strong foundations in life to help us face the trials we are given. Here are two excerpts I really liked (think of setting exercise goals as you read these):

1. You and I have faith that the way to rise through and above trials is to believe that there is a “balm in Gilead”⁴ and that the Lord has promised, “I will not … forsake thee.”⁵ That is what President Thomas S. Monson has taught us to help us and those we serve in what seem lonely and overwhelming trials.⁶But President Monson has also wisely taught that a foundation of faith in the reality of those promises takes time to build. You may have seen the need for that foundation, as I have, at the bedside of someone ready to give up the fight to endure to the end. If the foundation of faith is not embedded in our hearts, the power to endure will crumble.

His mention of seeing the foundation in a person who is close to ending their lives reminded me of Dad. He had such strength even as he was getting weaker and weaker. I know the promise that being with his family again sustained him. He always talked of his beautiful family to whoever of the nurses and doctors would listen. The foundation of faith was embedded in his heart, and his power to endure did not crumble.

2. One of the keys to an enduring faith is to judge correctly the curing time required. That is why I was unwise to pray so soon in my life for higher mountains to climb and greater tests.
That curing does not come automatically through the passage of time, but it does take time. Getting older does not do it alone. It is serving God and others persistently with full heart and soul that turns testimony of truth into unbreakable spiritual strength.

I have realized, on this goal to change the things in my life, that I need to rely on the Lord in order to change. The stronger my faith in His promises, the stronger my ability will be. The "balm in Gilead" I'm relying on will come in my hard mornings when I don't want to wake up, or when I'm frustrated because I couldn't get out to exercise due to making dinner, cranky baby, meetings or whatnot. Prayer will be my "pep-talk".

I also must serve God and other with full heart and soul for my testimony to be turned in spiritual strength. I will now set another goal in tandem with my exercise goal--I will seek to serve others more even as I exercise more.

Soaking in the joys of family

Allen has his PMP test tomorrow. Just like finals. I know he will do great, even though he's in so much constant pain right now (probably the worst, all-the-time pain since we've been married) and he played table tennis with some friends. Four and a half hours will be killer. But he is well prepared. He'll do great.

Cammy is being so adventurous. After successfully managing to fall out if his crib on Tuesday, he has now discovered the art of pulling himself up in his crib, which means that tonight he would pull himself up, cry, let go, and fall sideways against the slats, effectively enhancing his cries and creating a domino effect. After putting him to bed 2 times and getting him after his screams alerted us, we've now set up the pack and play in his room, which (now the 4th time we've put him to bed, 1 1/2 past his maximum bedtime) will hopefully solve the problem. Truly an adventurous boy who is out and about, discovering the world around him. We love him so much! And we just want him to be able to explore without hurting himself too much. So true of Heavenly Father's relationship with us, I think.

Dad is looking improved. His hair is noticeably whiter and he looks like he's aged in these last 3 weeks. Three back surgeries and a diagnosis of cancer could do that to a person, I'm sure. Although looking frailer than I ever remember seeing him, he is able to move his body and is slowly re-learning to sustain his weight and to walk again. I know remaining optimistic is hard for him but I'm encouraged by his willingness to fight the good fight and by the wonderful staff he has around him.

Mom is incredible and has been by Dad's side this whole time. She's great at the caretaker role and I know Dad is extremely grateful to have her by his side. They are such a wonderful couple. I pray this next challenge in their lives and marriage and in our family will strengthen them and pull them together. I already see ways that it has.

Life is plugging along for us. I'm grateful for the blessings Allen and I enjoy. I am in love with our beautiful little family. I have discovered that my hobby of choice is making our house into a home. It's what makes me excited and it's what I do when I find myself without anything to do. It makes me feel happy and fulfilled at the end of the day. I enjoy playing with my baby. Who knew that playing with blocks and puzzles could be so fun? It definitely beats all the other responsibilities I have, besides that of being with my husband and making him feel good and happy. The family life is for me and I relish (and hope to continue to relish) every minute I have with them! They are my joys.

So if there was one piece of sage wisdom I would offer, it's this: see the many little joys that surround your family and soak them up.

The New Normal

I remember when each of my grandparents got sick and eventually passed away. Even now, it's interesting how things change and you're living a new "normal." It is suddenly (and slowly, over time) the new way that things are. It is now "normal" for my dad to be sick. It is now "normal" for my mom to be helping take care of him. It is now "normal" for us kids to be visiting them in the hospital, to be cleaning the house for Mom and Dad, to be worrying and wondering how they are doing.


Funny how the new "normal" and the old "normal" can be so different, yet how there is a good thing about each. I'm grateful that we kids can be closer to Mom and Dad during this time. I'm grateful for the new bonds that are being forged because of new needs. And I'm grateful for the new things I learn about myself as I'm pushed to find babysitters, work shorter hours, and make our income stretch further. There is a divine design in it all.

And then I watch videos like the above video, and read articles like this one entitled "Give us this day our daily bread" by Elder D. Todd Christofferson.. And I realize that there are many ways to grow and improve and that I'm grateful for the new "normals."

Making it work

I'm grateful for this opportunity to reevaluate what my working means to my family. While I'm still needed in the workforce to help make ends meet, we look forward to the day that this won't be the case. I appreciate sound advice from the Lord's leaders that can be found on Providentliving.org, at this article, Stretching your dollars, and by Dave Ramsey. By continually looking at ways to live more economically, I know we will find more peace and comfort with our day to day living.

Gratitude for the Good Days

With Thanksgiving coming up, it's given me time to stop and pause and remember how happy and blessed I am. I have a husband, who despite his constant pain, still greatly succeeds in giving all his love to his baby and me. We have a home where are family's needs are met and which provides constant little projects for us to work on when we get bored of Netflix. Which, speaking of Netflix, we absolutely love. I can remember the day when I used to think, gee, wouldn't it be nice to just watch videos online? I used to wish that "they'd" improve the ability to stream movies so I didn't have to constantly refresh the screen and wait for it to buffer.

Speaking of Allen and his constant pain, I had a moment a few days ago to be reminded of how much he does for me. For us. And of his intense fear that he won't always be able to do that. His desire to have more children and his terror that he won't be able to hold them. I was in a moment of complaining about how tired I was of having to carry the carseat, of how hard it had been to take Cammy around all day at church without him. I was tired. And I was tired of doing all the work. And I was completely humbled as Allen shared his feelings and made me realize that I was being the fungus on the scum on the bottom of the shoe for my selfishness. A My Bestfriend's Wedding moment.

I love my husband. He loves me even more intensely than I do him and I'm constantly trying to match him. He does so much for me. Even almost 2 years after marriage, he has been true to his word that he would never stop opening doors for me. He washes the dishes after I've left them in the sink for a week and as they've just piled up all over the counters and the floor. He hates getting wet, and yet he'll stand there in his work clothes, getting soapy water all over him and the floor, wincing because of the pain of standing after a hard, stressful day, and he'll quietly in a no-complaining-way wash all my dishes until he can't bear it anymore. That's how great he is. And that's how grateful I am. And I pray that I may ever remain so grateful.

Allen is my Gallant Hero. And I will ever be grateful for him!

Doing what Christ did & does

As I have read from the pages of the Bible, in my mind’s eye I have watched Him as He “increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man.” 1 In my reading, I was there when He raised the dead. He healed the sick, fed the 5,000, brought comfort and hope and a process for peace into the world that He had created. He forgave those who mocked and tortured and crucified Him—for they knew not what they did. I saw the divine love and concern He had for His mother, though He suffered in supreme agony Himself. He overcame death so that we can too. He has prepared a place for us in heaven with our Eternal Father. He has taught us the plan for happiness and given us the vision of it and the hope to follow it. His was the ultimate life of sacrifice and a life of service to fulfill the plan of God His Father.

A Latter-day Saint woman who follows Christ’s example in her daily living begins to fulfill the plan of our Heavenly Father for her. By so doing she can be a powerful influence for good in today’s world and meet the challenges of mortality. I have known such women, and they have been a guiding light to me. The Latter-day Saint woman who follows Christ is a true Christian in the very best sense of the word. She is a woman of faith who trusts God and is confident and fearless.

Being Kind and Patient

In a conversation last night with Allen, we discussed his weight loss plan and how I was telling him how he wasn't following it. In the end, Allen basically said this:

“Tread softly, because you tread on my dreams.”

(“He Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven,” The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations, 3d ed., New York: Oxford University Press, p. 585.)

I told him I would try; I would try to be kind and patient, but that I hoped he would understand that those are two things which are very difficult for me to do.